I haven’t retreated to pen and thoughts for some time. Least not of which is that we seem to dislike pens. We have one, I am borrowing it. May everyone make sure to remind me if I forget I have it.
I died I think. And yet I’m still here. I was brought back to life as Elzeny’s thrall. I am grateful, but after revealing what she was, not so much, especially not when this clarifies why my link to my deity has been severed. I am still unhappy about being unable to reach Pelor but while I will have to accept that in this new lifetime, bereft of old memories as well, I may not regain my divine link to him, there are ties of idea and duty as well. I have beheld Pelor with my own eyes. It will take more than lost remembrances, paranormal bonds, and a newfound fondness and concern of our resident… rogue… to make me waver.
Admittedly, I don’t think I would feel that way if I had been who I was before that murderous tiefling burned me acrisp. I have travelled this lifetime (or would that be technically the previous?) with a certain amount of bumbling luck. There are times I’ve been humbled due to the lack of address my Pelorian brothers give to learning about other worlds, then encouraging us to strike out in Pelor’s name with naught but our own fervor and faith, sometimes at the behest or even harm of innocent other parties. It had turned me into a very doubtful, conflicted agent. But somehow, I’ve found new confidence, conviction in this existence.
Speaking of dispositions, the Archivist and his temperament disappointed me, but if my time in Lumene has taught me, it’s that knowledge and wisdom are tools, not purveyors of good, even in the Pelorian pursuits of truth. And we did learn much truth. It is what we wish to do with that knowledge.
For now, we wonder where our newfound knowledge will take us. I took interest in us travelling in the direction of Kozo, but my instincts told me better, after hearing of the Clan of Xazu.
To be honest, I miss Jalissa. She would probably think low of me in this state, but if she would scorn me for happenings more out of my power than I imagined, then it was truly not meant to be. Would it come to that, I hope there is a more civil resolution other than… Elzeny likely playing the situation for her own amusement.
If there is one thing that has settled well in my heart? I did not turn into a Rakshasa. I only remember, now with missing memories, what I have learned from Kirarel and my brothers about Rakshasa… not of my own experience with them in past times… but I remembered the reaction I had when I first remembered when those things were.
I had done bad things. I initially thought this was a form of punishment, becoming Vryloka, but if there is a chance I will vanish for good when this lifetime ends… is that being freed?